That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
