so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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