This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
