Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
tell your sister to shave her snatch
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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