FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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