wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
