eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
