Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
