You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
