I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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