well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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