is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
