why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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