oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Randomize