so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
