I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
