You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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