I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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