You're completely useless in the revolution.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
