I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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