What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
