My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
