i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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