How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
