he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
