When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
