I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
