so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
