I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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