are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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