Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
