Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
