do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
