I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
