I just pynch a tree in the face
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
