A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
