It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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