i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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