just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
