I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We don't watch enough power rangers
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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