they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Oh god it's open bar.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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