I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
