I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
