Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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