READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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