He asked to "fluff my boner.."
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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