I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
