i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
