his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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