i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
