Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
