4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize