I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
