i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
