ugly people sure do ruin things
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
