You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
