i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
