You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
