I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Randomize