I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
