Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
