I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
