I can text with my tongue
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i out mim tonsoeep
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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