Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
